Charity suffereth long, and is kind: charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up 1 Corinthians 13:4

I found myself thinking about my level of patience with my oldest child this morning. I have levels and God doesn’t. God has limitless patience for me.
When I find myself being impatient with my son, I notice a few things about my body and my mind. My breathing becomes heavy. I am angry and ashamed.
All these emotions take over my actions. Then the insecurity begins. Satan loves the insecurity. He likes to threaten my relationship with God. What better way to threaten me than to attack my security in Him.
I have to pause, as a friend recently shared with me. I remember what it was like to feel like everyone was watching me at school when I was crying. I wondered if my friends would notice my hurt. Wiping the tears from my face, checking my eyes in the mirror, and trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat to keep myself from breaking down.
My son is experiencing some of the same things I did at his age. Then it hit me, how patient is God with me? My own measure of patience can be out of touch with God’s. How much am I willing to suffer? Even so, it would never compare to my father’s immeasurable patience.
God has been so patient with me. He lets me fail even though he hurts with me. His heart breaks for me. He lets me suffer, only to draw me closer to him and remind me of the patience he has for me.
I said “I have been more than patient with you.” to my son. My level doesn’t compare to the love that God gives me. This kind of love is the eternal love that I want in my life. I want my children to know this love.
My prayer today is: Father, please help me to be more like you, long suffering, and waiting. My actions will shape the actions of my children. I want to know more about you so that you will shape the actions in me. Please forgive me for not responding in true love, by being impatient.